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Herald Sun Nov 27 2009 Friday ("Driver ruined my life" - Elissa Hunt) - +..the grey survivor who weeps in silence..+ [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Nicklots Lim

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Herald Sun Nov 27 2009 Friday ("Driver ruined my life" - Elissa Hunt) [Dec. 2nd, 2009|01:54 pm]
Nicklots Lim
"I remember 18, that first year I saw myself as a man.
I remember running for my country, the first time I represented Australia.
I broke my personal best that day. I remember fainting at the end of the race.
I remember feeling tall, strong, healthy.
Now I feel weak.
I know fear now, doubt, isolation, anxiety, fear of death, loss of hope.
I know hospitals, doctors, medicines; I know these are my partners in life now.
I was awarded $350,000 to replace the $2.5million I would have earned in my working life that was cut short. I feel cheated.
I would cut off both my legs to be a father, that's the sacrifice I would make.
I saw myself in the mirror the other morning. I barely recognised the body I saw. I don't like my body now, it doesn't work. It's fat, ugly, I can't feel it.
The fear of death visits me every day.
Every time my weakened body succumbs to a new infection, I wonder if this is the one that will end it. I think about dying a lot these days.
I remember that 18-year-old. As I am hoisted out of my chair into my bed, I struggle to think those memories were ever of me.
I don't just remember what I lost, I see it, experience it, many times a day.
I feel it every time a support worker tells me of their life, of going to a party, going to the footy.
I find myself watching as they walk out my gate, and get on with their life.
I envy them. And I am left alone to remember what I have lost."

-Justin Stevenson

Treasure everything u have, and everyone around u now. Anything could be lost within a split second, and then it would be too late.